Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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