i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
