I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
