My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
