WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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