new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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