when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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