I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
