tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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