Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
