Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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