1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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