I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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