I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's rum buckets o'clock
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
