In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
