Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
