Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
