I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
