So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
