how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Say something about gay babies.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
