he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
