Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
