the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he shaved USA in his pubs
now i know why i became what i already was.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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