Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
