I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
