that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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