Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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