Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
