I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
