Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
