Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
