Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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