Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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