finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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