thus making me awesome and them whores
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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