Soap is not a condiment
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
