ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
