his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
