come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
