Moan for me like Helen Keller
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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