4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
