I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
