i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
