you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
