Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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