I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
