It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
