Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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