There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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