So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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