I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All the doctor said was why
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
