i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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