I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
